Author Farnoosh Torabi joins us to discuss how to navigate a relationship in which the woman earns more than her male partner.
Farnoosh Torabi is a personal finance writer, best selling author and television personality. We were blown away by her presentation at FinCon and are very excited to have her on the podcast.
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We know that it shouldn’t matter who makes more in a relationship but it often does. It can be especially tricky for men to accept when their female partner out earns them. And it’s hard for women too. Not only are they the bread winner, but many still feel responsible for the more traditional female responsibilities as well.
It can cause resentment on both sides. Men may feel like the woman is usurping their role and the women may wonder, “What do I even need you for? I make the money and run the house.” This mind set is dangerous to the relationship. There is a higher rate of divorce and infidelity on both sides of this dynamic. If this sounds familiar, the two of you need to sit down and discuss ways the man can contribute that are meaningful and helpful to the woman.
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One of Farnoosh’s rules is to give the man’s money meaning. Just because you make all the money doesn’t mean you get to make all the decisions. His income should be deliberately allocated too and not just spent willy-nilly. Farnoosh’s husband is the one putting aside money for their child’s education. That isn’t a frivolous thing.
Yours, mine, and our accounts are another recommendation. No one should be expected to account for every cent they spend. That’s what the “mine” account is for. That money can be spent anyway each partner chooses.
As younger people move into the period of their lives when they are entering relationships, this kind of tension will be less of a big deal. Many of them were raised by working mothers some of whom were the higher earnings so they aren’t charting completely foreign territory.
If you’re in this type of relationship, pick up Farnoosh’s book to help you and your partner work through this issue together.
Farnooshtv: Farnoosh’s blog.
When She Makes More: Farnoosh’s latest book.